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The Ballad Of Alfred Wegener

from The Fork Universe Of Funky Love by Professor Goldstein

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lyrics

Mesosaurus, where’d you learn how to swim that far?
Lystrosaurus, how’d you get so successful?
Cynognathus, how’d you pay for those phenomenal flying lessons?
And who’s growing glossopteris transcontinental?

Well Gondwana had finally had enough of Laurasia
The two split and these fools weren’t around to see it
Give or take a couple hundred centimeters (blame the mechanics of it all)
It’s only 2.5 cause the plates’ll just tweak it

So get divergent, like the unhappy couple
Get convergent, like a newfound love
Transform on one another if you know what I mean
I don’t really care but I’m beggin you to get a move on

Well I’m talkin of a time when Antarctica was overgrown
And there always comes a time when the postcards will turn from paper to stone
You shred ‘em up and you managed to sink the boat
And just like that your primal continent’s all gone

So get divergent, like the unhappy couple
Get convergent, like a newfound love
Transform on one another if you know what I mean
I don’t really care but I’m beggin you to get a move on

In 200 million years we’ll all join up together again
It’s a shame that you won’t be around to see it

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from The Fork Universe Of Funky Love, released July 29, 2022

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Professor Goldstein Hyattsville, Maryland

I love pop punk. I love country. I love that every indie band is now trying to be their own take on Weezer and I’d love to find my niche in the Weezer-core genre. Whether it’s a nasally, stream-of-conscious screechfest of a song or a carefully crafted ballad that subtly describes how Dinosaur documentaries shaped my childhood. ... more

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